The Power Of Love

Tonight I was going through the normal routine with the kids. Tucking in, singing our song, saying prayers, and giving one last love. Noah was starting to get a little upset about Baby Jaguar being left at his dad's house. Normally Baby Jaguar is always at my house. He sleeps with it here every night. I went on an extended vacation without them, and he wanted to bring his beloved stuffed toy along for security.

Noah and Lilly both have a sock monkey that I gave them a couple years ago, I tried to comfort Noah with the fact of I had one growing up, and that they are good stuffed animals to snuggle because when they get snuggled they soak up love. Then when you are low on love, and need more you can just give them a quick squeeze and have all the love you need.

Instantly they both started hugging away on the monkeys. It was adorable. Then they wanted to give them to me to sleep with because I do not have my sock monkey any longer (it was lost during a move when I was a kid... and you better believe my mother still is trying to make up for it). I instead encouraged them to keep snuggling the monkeys because soon enough they would end up in my bed like usual sometime in the middle of the night, therefore I would not need anything additional to snuggle.

As soon as I finished my sentence, Noah piped up with the idea that they could fill their monkeys with love, so that while they were back at their dad's house I could then snuggle the sock monkey and get love. Or as Lilly said "The sock monkey can fill up my tank with love".

I am always blown away by Noah and Lillian's complete and never wavering love for me, and the need they have to give it so freely to me. It is so touching to me that they want to ensure that I have their love while they are gone. I have the sweetest kids around, they are literally my heart extended from my body out into the world.

I can say that if they retain nothing else they have learned from me, at the very least they have acquired the ability to love from me. I know this, because I see it not just with me, but with how they are to everyone. I hope to continue to nurture this in them, as this world needs more people willing to love freely, and with out expectations.  

Sunset

And here I stand. At the end of the sidewalk, at the end of the road. My shadow has already raced across. I look back once more, just to feel the warmth on my face. In the dusk of this moment, lives the future of the next. So, I walk.

Good Grief!

I am a big people watcher and often I sit back and watch situations unfold, wondering what the heck some people are thinking. I never understood how two perfect strangers could be mean right off the bat to each other, i.e., upset customer screaming at a customer service rep on the phone, some one tailing you in the rain because your not driving fast enough, the patient that storms in late demanding to be instantly taken back or else its your head on a platter.... And so many more.

I bring up this topic because as a Mom it is my constant duty to raise my children up with good morals and ethics. Lately I have been trying to teach the kids what is nice, and what is mean. And relating that to their own feelings when some one is mean to them. 

What I am showing them is basically the "Golden Rule". Do unto others as you would have others do unto you... Or Matthew 7:12.

We all mimic each other... Experiment: go smile at some strangers and see how many do not smile back. It's hard.  But more often than not, people are more willing to share a scowl than a grin. I don't see the point. If we all would go back to the basics, remember the lessons taught early in life and be KIND to each other, things could be different. (I feel like I am on a soap box here....)

Anyways, this is a close and personal subject to my heart. I do not like seeing people being unnecessarily mean to other people... not that there necessarily is a time to be mean. Being mean is a choice, it takes a lot of effort, going out of your way, and just too much time! 

 It is much easier to take a gentler approach, and hopefully it would be sincere.

Let's just all be kind, and if you can't... at least take the high road.

Destroyer

What throws a temper tantrum, crosses her arms, slumps on the bed and exclaims "YOU DESTROYED MY WHOLE LIFE!"? No, I am not the mother to a teenage girl... she is THREE! Lord  help me.

Between the constant battle of her only wanting to wear a dress, pushing her brother, and just being set on go at all times, my biggest goal for her is to take the diva out of the equation. I do not want to squash the person she is growing up to be, but there has to be some restraint. For my son, age three was the worst, and shortly after his fourth birthday things just clicked into place. He became laid back, followed directions, and helped lead sister to do the right things. Granted she was two, and I don't care what all the books say, or that saying "terrible twos", two was a fabulous age. Three... that is what they don't tell you.

I am hoping as her fourth birthday is approaching that she too will mellow out a little... deep down, I doubt it! haha. In all seriousness, I love this spunky little girl, and I hope to nurture the spunk, humor and compassion that comes out of her, I just want the drama queen to take a hike!

Keep your fingers crossed, I have a count down on my calendar, 21 more days.

Clean Your Plate

A few years ago I was watching this special on TV that was talking about people who have been conditioned to "clean their plates", which apparently has contributed to obesity. They also touched on plates being bigger, and making it so that not only are we clearing our plates, but we are clearing our much larger plates.

I remember growing up that my parents would fix my plate, and I had to eat it. Period. I remember once being put to nap and missed out on snack because I didn't want to eat spinach from a can... or at all for that matter. It was green, limp and slimy... My opinion on it has changed as I have gotten older, I love it (and not just because I don't want to take a nap, I love those now too).

Another exciting transition growing up was, "If you want to make your plate, that is fine, but you have to eat everything you put on your plate" and my Dad's famous saying "So I guess your eyes were bigger than your stomach".

Now that I have children of my own, I am in a constant inner stuggle of "Finish your meal" and "Eat until your full". I do not do a lot of sweets with my kids, just because I never think of it, I crave them so far and few between that it is just not a part of my diet. However we do have popcorn often. And I have tried to use it as leverage before in getting them to eat a meal, and then also I wondered if it was hindering their meal because they didn't want to fill up on dinner so they could have popcorn.

When I make their plates, I keep in mind that they are small, and I do not put a lot on there. I feel it is important for them to finish it so they get all the nutrients they need, but on the other hand I don't want them to be "Stuffed", or to be conditioned to continue eating until visually they see there is no more food left. I want them to learn it is ok to push the plate away when they are full.... I just wonder what age you start teaching this... Is 3 and 5 too young?

I find that I am probably the strickt parent.... ok no probably about it, I'm the bad cop.

For Simplicity right?

Today I opened my computer, and a my browser sprang to life and right there in digital back and white was a story of the top 10 industries in decline (to see click HERE).

I was not surprised to see some of the ones that were listed, like video stores and news papers. Considering that we can get a hold of anything via the web, what is the need to have the copy of the local paper delivered to your front door step? Why go out and buy that new CD when you can download it? Same goes for that book on the best seller list.

It makes me envision lofty condos, streamlined furniture, bold color schemes... and the absence of bookshelves. I do find that I favor the simplicity of the photos that follow. However, it does make me think about what I grew up with, and how I remember the stories of change in my parents lives, even in my grandparents lives. I never thought that I would see any significant change in my life, because so much has changed from 40 or 50 years ago... how much more COULD change? (Even though I specifically remember when I was in second grade, my teacher asked us to picture

what the future would bring... all of us thought that we would be in flying cars by now...sheesh)

Well, apparently a lot could change. In the age that we are living in most everything is becoming digital. Photos, music, books, voices, instruments, you name it.

To me however, I really hope that some things stay the same. I want to hold a book in my hand, not hold a portable devices that is backlit, and so... sterile. I would really miss heading to the pool with my boyfriend on an afternoon that we have to ourselves to sit and relax and not have an actual paperback in my hand. Or having to figure out a way to burn all my music on a CD, or finding a way to upgrade my "outdated" car so that I can just plug in my MP3 player. I would miss having bookshelves full of movies for my kids to pick from.

In the movie Beauty and the Beast I remember the library in the Beast's mansion. I remember feeling how lucky Beauty was to be able to have that many books at her fingertips. I would be in heaven if I were to own a library like that. I do find that I differ from my best friend in how I can re-read, and re-watch the same thing several times. Yes, you can do that if you own a digital copy, but isn't there a pride of ownership that might be missing with everything being digital? Yes you "own" a digital copy of something on some device you also own... but it's not there to hold, turn over, read the insert, or the back cover.... you can not touch it.

Then in my path of thought, I think, what about love? Will that become digital? Will we all evolve into living like the people in Surrogates? Never letting our real selves be shown? Only showing the best of the best we have to offer? A copy of a copy? Reproduced multiple time, to be shared over and over?

Maybe I am just taking this a little too far. But having recently watched Wall-e, I wonder how long it will be until we are stuck in a disillusioned, coma-like state, just floating along unaware of what we really are missing.

For as long as I can, I plan to keep adding to my book shelve. And if your wondering, yes I still own a VHS player :)

Moving Day

Today is moving day. I have not taken much time to prepare. Tuesday I found out I had gotten the new place, and here it is Saturday. I have been working, and so when I got home I had not felt like packing much. And today has creeped up on me.

Here I sit on my porch wondering...What have I done? I have never viewed myself and some one who had a hard time with change, I am praised at work for being able to mold myself into whatever category they find necessary to place me in. I do find that I am a person who has moments of indecisiveness, but I didn't think that would translate over into something like moving.

I am moving into a place where the kids now can have their own space, somewhere a little newer, closer to work, somewhere I would feel comfortable having people over. Yet I look at this sunrise, I think of the back yard, my landlords, and I feel like I am moving away from home. In the entire time that I have lived here, this has never felt like "home", it has always felt like I was in a very long layover. I had not felt comfortable. But now as today has found me, I am racked with fear. Not a crippling fear, just one of "will the kids adjust", "will the neighbor above me have heavy feet", "will everything work out how I plan"... and that is where I stop myself and remember that I is not MY plan... it is HIS plan, and I am turning my life over to Him, and that He will provide for me when I see no other way.

I have found my relationship with the Lord again, not that it was ever gone, however it is stronger than before. I rest my worries in his hands, and listen to my heart. For the Lord knows me and my heart, and I should never be in fear.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord.
“They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen.
If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me."

A Thin Line

A Study has shown that there are parts of the bran that are activated when feeling hate, or love. Often I sit and I think "How can I both love and hate Sunday?" Of course it is not at the same time. One week I love it. One week I hate it. Two Sundays out of the month I sit on my couch enjoying the sweet silence lingering in the air, content with the bed time stories and prayers that have become part of the nightly ritual. Then, alternatively, two Sundays out of the month I sit bitterly annoyed with the silence surrounding me.

This is my Sunday of quiet regrets. Tonight is a familiar night, I am feeling the need to be hugged, kissed, snuggled, and asked for more juice. As much as I try to distract myself, it still finds me. Especially in that moment when I lay my head down, lights are off, tv is glowing the in back ground, and I find my self looking down towards their room. That heaviness in my heart, the revolving flash backs of memories of days that feel so very long ago. And then the worrying, the pondering, the second guessing, all of it a self designed way to beat myself up.

The Sundays that signify the ending of my week always go so, with the lack of a better word, shitty. All the plans seem to fall through, there is tension in the air, boundaries are tested, buttons are pressed. I probably make a mountain out of a mole hill when it comes to all of this, but its like all I can see is me sitting on this couch, up all all hours of the night, missing them. And I will, and I do, and here I am.

I have not always made the right choices, nor have I always done everything perfectly. I will never claim that I have. I wonder if I should have toughed it out. Done something on my own to change things, or even just to have changed myself, if it meant never knowing a day with out them. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for them, however changing the past is not possible. Trying to move forward, hold my head up, take in as many hugs and snuggles I can get, staying up late to eat pop corn and watch animated movies, playing tea party, crashing cars, hiding and seeking... baby steps.

One day I want to give my children the world, more often than not we as parents simple just send our kids out into the world for them to conquer it themselves. While I am trying to gather the world up into a nicely wrapped box with a bow, I hold tight to the truths that stand strong in our lives. The fact that they are loved, that I do miss them, and that they are missed when they are with me. I know that I am not alone in my feelings, every other week some one else is standing in my shoes. I thank God for the ability to want the best for them, and to be able to offer them all I have, and that they do have two parents who love them endlessly as well as unconditionally, even when we could not love ourselves.

Until next Sunday, I will be right here waiting. I love and miss you my sweet darlings.

Not For The Faint Of Heart

Lately we have been dealing with outbursts from Little Miss. It seems to have come out of nowhere, but then again she has always been... a spit fire. Days like these last few I feel like I should enter a safe haven for parents, it was meltdown city...

It all started yesterday with our trip to the roller rink. With it being cold outside (even though sunday it was quite nice out), we have been trying to find fun things to do indoors, while also getting some exercise. I figured this would be a fun thing for the kids to do, and fun for Jack and I to try and remember how to not fall on our butts. The first few steps, err skates, were tricky, wobbly, and I am sure if a picture would have been taken, priceless. After a while Noah got the hang of it pretty well for it being his first time. He and I made several laps around the rink with out falling. Lillian wanted to do it herself... in fact her wording was "Me do it myself!" She fell about a dozen times and had enough, she figured out it was easier for her to skate on the carpet around the outside of the rink, rather than on the wooden floor. She kept asking why she was falling, and I tried to explain that all people fall... "Why?"... "Because they do not know what they are doing at first"... "Why?"... "Because they have never done it before, and they are learning like you are"... "Why?"... You see where this was going.

It came time to leave, and for some one who really didn't want to skate, she sure threw a fit about leaving. "ME WANNA ICE SKATE MORE!" (Note to self: Bring kids ice skating) There are very few times where my kids are "Those kids", she was on her back doing only what I can describe as a lay down cartwheel spin kick, throw in some tears, a few kicks of the feet, some screaming, and tada... there you have it... a "those kids" situation.

And the first thing out of Jacks mouth... "Want some ice cream?". I fell over. I couldn't help but laugh. The tears dried up, she still refused to put on her shoes, I gave her a piggy back ride to the car, and we were off to get ice cream. I hate that she got ice cream after such a display, but she sure was cute eating her kids size twist. It reminded me of when I was young watching them eat ice cream, laughing and being the sweet silly kids I know them to be.... It was short lived.

We needed to get some groceries, so we headed to Wally world. I know in a kids mind going to a grocery store is the farthest thing from fun, besides the wide open space to run in, the clothing racks to hide in, the shiny new toys to cry for, touching everything on the isle, riding in the cart, under the cart, walking next to the cart, getting to carry things, put things in the basket... wait.. why are they not having fun?!

Some how genetically my daughter has inherited this ear piercing screech that is more high pitched than five house hold fire alarms, two car alarms, and one annoying alarm clock all mixed together. If she were to hold that scream I am pretty sure it would drop a grown man to his knees. And of course she tried to perfect her talent in the store. At this point I started to burry my face in my sweatshirt and walk just slightly ahead of Jack and the kids, and put on the "I do not know these people" face.

I had decided it was time for a big girl talk, and some consequences to start taking place. The three things she loves most in the world; Dora aka Doot Doot Doot Doot Da-Dora, Sleeping Beauty, and baby dolls. That night she lost the privilege to watch her show. The melt down started again. Code red, run for the hills, hide in your bomb shelter. She soon got over it, and occupied herself with her tea set. Then came bed time. Our new thing is for me to carry them into their bed holding them like a baby. So I carried Noah first, he was almost half asleep anyways, as I am putting him into bed, she is screaming. kicking. crying. "CARRY ME LIKE A BABY!"... I had planned on it, AFTER I tucked Noah in. At this point I just find it to be reaching a ridiculousness level that is beyond reasoning. We had a mommy daughter talk, I tried to keep it short and to the point to hold her short attention span, and to drive home the point of her behavior not being acceptable, and reenforcing that she is a good girl, and needed to start acting more like it. Stop with the "I dont wants"... which are more like "I not wanna"... and to do things when she is asked to, as in clean up her room, make her bed, put her shoes by the door... etc.

The clouds parted, I was making headway, she was getting what I was saying... or was she? The next morning, the tantrum rear its ugly head again. First about wanting me to put on her shoes while I am trying to make lunches, and check on my "Don't leave the house without" list. Once we worked past that, and the shoes were on(check), coat was on(check), lunch made(check), everyone ready to go(not check)... she wanted to bring her puzzle, which would have been fine, had it not been scattered all over the floor. No to the puzzle. Melt down. I'm not the only one to see a pattern here right? No. Meltdown. No. Meltdown. Sigh.

Somehow we made it out the door, and on to Nanny and Papa's house, where she and I seemed to have a glue bond, she refused to let go. Meltdown. I had to leave her there, like that, and go start my day at work. Lovely. Her Nanny let her cry it out on the couch in the back room, until she was ready to rejoin the group and be "nice girl". She kept on the up and up the rest of the day. Then Mommy came home. Long story short, she lost her Sleeping Beauty. The TV was still gone. We did manage to have a nice dinner, and cuddle on the couch where she fell asleep in my arms, looking sweet as ever. Lord I hope that tomorrow she is back to her normal self, or I may need some hair transplants.

It is hard to stay mad at those cute faces, but I have got to stand my ground and stay on top of this. As they say "This too shall pass". I am holding strong to that, and the will and strength to make it through the storm. Wish us luck!

Quietly Rummaging

Tonight I find myself in a mood that I familiar with. A quiet one. Listening to my inner thoughts, and trying to figure out exactly what it is that I am searching for in this life. Someone recently asked me "Well what do you want?" and I said "I just want to be happy", Which was followed with "Well what makes you happy?" And there I sat.

Generally speaking I am a happy person... So what I have already composes happiness. Of course there are other things that would make me happier, like a new house and a new car. However, those are not things that I can concern my mind with right now, they are not with in reach. And simply, they are just objects.

I have been delving into soul exploration , trying to figure out who I am at this moment, and what could be added to make my heart and mind culminate, finally agreeing to be satisfied. I put a lot onto my own shoulders, trying to make sure that everything is just right. Blaming myself for ridiculous behavior from my children, hoping that I am disciplining the right way, work, am I working hard enough, am I being too concerned over small matters, is this or that really important, home duties, washing, folding, vacuuming, the never ending "CLEAN YOUR ROOM" battle, and finding time to show the people in my life I care about them... I find that I have had little time to really think "what exactly is it that will assemble fulfillment".

So as this year comes to its finale, hope buds. New opportunities will emerge, encouraging us to move forward, try one more time. For 2011 I have decided to do many things, but they all fall into the same category; Self Discovery and Invention. Because at the end of the day, isn't the one thing that can make any of us happy, only ourselves? Are we not taught that enlightenment and bliss come from with in?

The things we do for others and for ourselves, when we do something kind for some one else with out boasting about it, when we take credit for all things we have done good or bad, helping with out having been asked, listening with out worrying about what our next reply will be, to smile, to laugh, to hold and be held, are these not things that make us all feel superb? Certainly. To be able to get to the point where we can do these things, contentment and good character has be to present, and that my friends, fuels my goal for 2011.

Here is to a more self aware, ambitious, and courageous me :)

Happy Twenty-Eleven

Happy Birthday!

25 years ago something very special was given to me. Life. I have tried very hard not to take that for granted, because what so eaisly was given can also be taken away. From my gift of life I have passed it forward twice. Noah and Lillian are the two best things I have ever been given. So today I am remembering all those people who have added to my life in one way or the other. Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes!

My Morning:

"Hey Noah... Guess what today is?"

"What Mom?"

"It's My birthday!"

"Oh...That's cool Mom"

"Will you sing me Happy Birthday?"

"I don't know the words to Happy Birtday..."

So I sang Noah Happy Birthday. He smiled, then turned around and starting singing Lillian Happy Birthday. Haha!

Little Pleasures

I, along with most everyone else we know, have been going through tough times. They may not be similar to anyone else's, they may be identical to someone else's. To me, they are unique. To me they are MY struggles. Ones that I overcome and persevere.

However, I do have something special that I get all to myself. Little hugs, and smiles. Loving hands that grab mine, directing me towards the crayons and coloring books, towards the cars and blocks. Sweet voices asking me to play dolls, or put puzzles together. The times I have with my children are the best I know.

They are the calm to my storm, and help me to stay grounded. Getting to see the simple joys in life through their eyes is a priceless gift they have given me. A kind word, a hug, a special treat, or a movie they have been wanting to see will put the biggest of smiles on their face, a sparkle in their eye and it melts my heart. It makes me feel like a hero, and that I could do anything. I am so lucky to have them. The only thing in life that I truly hope for, is that they know how much they are loved and cared for.

I hope to continue to carry their hearts in mine, remembering to stay kind and innocent. Remembering to love everyone for who they are, and always telling them so. I hope that my heart continues to know no hate, and only compassion. And this way, there is only happiness.

Dear Dad

There are far and few days in between the times I sit back and think of you. In your arms I always felt safe, under your care I had no worries. At the time I do not think you realized how much I wanted to feel belonged to, yet you never made me feel out of place. Dad, I love you.

I know I often cried myself to sleep wishing to find out who the man was that helped breath life into my soul, but all the time I did not realize it was you. I do not remember a time before you were there, and forever you will be my Dad.

I know today that you would be proud of me, and praise me for the things I have accomplished, but you should know that with out you, I would not have made it this far. With out our tragedies and short comings, you could not have helped me to become who I am today. And for that I thank you. Although you have been gone for 10 years this July, I have felt you by my side guiding me, reminding me of things I have once forgotten.

There are days when I wait for you to walk through the door, smelling like the restaurant, with the look of exhaustion showing on your face and weighing heavy on your shoulders. Your arms could not stretch wide enough to get us all in them. Remembering you is like a baseball game on a warm summer night, with a hot dog, and ice cream. It's throwing around footballs, and baseballs in the back yard. (I wish I had held onto that glove.) It's driving in the middle of the night to see the Northern Lights, fire works on the roof, and Thanksgiving. Your always here on Thanksgiving, your team is playing on my TV, I have made your stuffed celery, and I can not get enough of the togetherness of that day. You have shown me how valuable family is, and I wish every day that you could see my children smile, but somehow I am sure that you do. I love you and miss you very much.

~*~I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart. I am never with out it. where ever I go, you go... Here is the deepest secret nobody knows, here is the root of the root, and the bud of the bud, and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope, or mind can hide, and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.~*~

By E.E. Cummings

Can You Hear Me Now?

Hello, My name is Broken, and I am a record. I play over and over on a continuous loop, you will hear me repeat myself many times.... Hope you enjoy this little treat :)

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow.

Today, as most days, I am ever present of what time it is. My day usually ticks by in 20 minute intervals at work. But then I sit back, and I see all the years that have just whizzed by since I have had my son. And how it flew by even faster after my daughter. My home life is counted in weeks. This week, that week, paid week, non-paid week, my week, his week.

When I was younger I thought being 20 was ancient. Now I look at the 20 year old's who are in my life, and I think how they are still just babies, being ushered out into the world. How they are in college, or starting jobs. How the full weight of responsibility is bearing down on their still too fragile shoulders.

Some times I feel that I am too young to have some of the responsibilities that I have. Often I think of what it would be like if I were still only responsible for myself. Most of the time I think that if I had waited a little longer to start a home life, that I would have went back to college one more time, or found out what I really wanted to be in life so that I could offer my children a better life.

However, I am truly thankful for the distraction they give me, the purpose in life they give me. They have made me who I am, responsible. They make me push myself when I feel that I have no where else to go, they teach me to open my eyes and see everything with great opportunity. They give me so much and do not ask for anything in return but my love. And how I love them, they are the air in my lungs, the beat in my heart, the spring in my step, and always the smile that is on my face.

Every time I feel weak, beaten down, defeated, or lost, I think of them and they give me a whole new direction and perspective on my life. The older they get, the better I want to be. My baby will be two on June 5th. TWO!!!! I remember the night she was born, I remember craving to hold her, longing to kiss her, snuggle her, and love her with all that I had. Every day she surprises me with a new word, a new phrase. Last night she surprised me (partly because I was half asleep on the couch) when she woke up in the middle of the night, and I hear "PEEE PEEE". I am very surprised that my sweet little girl woke up in the middle of the night to go pee {VICTORY!}. I may be bias, but my kids are genius.

This week with my kids has pushed me into another direction. I am going to go back to school. It becomes so tiresome worrying about having enough food for us to eat, gas to drive us around, electric to keep us cool or warm, plus all the little wants they have. I want my kids to be proud to be home. I want my son to say that my house is cool like his dad's (haha... yes, yes, it is JUST a home...) I want for them to have all they need, and want (with in reason of course!), I want to breath easy, I want to truly be able to relax and not worry anymore. What kind of example am I if I just sit back and let this opportunity to pass me by? How will I ever convince them to continue their education if I do not? So here is to my sweet little ones, who have once again opened my eyes, and shown me a path that I would have walked right by.

Mother's Day

Dear Noah and Lillian,

I love you so much, and I miss you terribly! I am so happy that I get to see you tomorrow. Tomorrow is Mother's day, and right now your too young to know how important that is, but to me it means a lot. It reminds me of the drives to the hospital when you were on your way, it reminds me of the first laughs and giggles, the diaper changes, the small outfits, bottles, baby food... all the amazing times that have passed, and all the amazing times yet to come.

You are my world, and I love you so much, can't wait for tomorrow!

Love Mom.

From My heart To Yours

Noah and Lillian definitely inherited my heart. They are loving, appreciative, thankful and love to snuggle! This has been the best weekend ever. Of course I feel this way anytime I get to spend the whole day with them. This weekend was time to celebrate easter. It was a very busy weekend for them, and for me. They had an Easter egg hunt friday with their grandparents. They had another Easter egg hunt at their grandfather's sisters house, Aunt Brenda. She always does it big for the family. It is important to that side of the family to gather together and celebrate. Usually she has a HUGE, and I mean HHUUGGEE Easter egg hung, over 300 eggs hidden around her front yard, that is equally as spacious. Before the hunt, everyone is inside eating a buffet style meal, partaking in conversation and showing off the newest members to the family. Several helpers sneak away to go out and hide the dozens of eggs. There are at least 15 kids who are old enough to understand and still young enough to enjoy the hunt, a few babies who are not old enough to understand but still with the help of parents get a few eggs. For some they find the special eggs filled with money! This is part of the contest. She has had pony rides in the past, this year the economy is still in progress of getting better, so they were not there this year, so I heard. I did not attend this time. Noah with with his Dad's bothers and their families, as well as his grandparents. They had a blast! They came home touched by the sun and tuckered out.

After the kids were to bed, I made their Easter baskets, and filled Easter eggs to hid in the yard. I got Noah three books, three cars, M&M's and of course a chocolate bunny. For Lilly, she got three books, two bracelets, a headband, M&M's and chocolate bunny.

Anticipation is everything. On Christmas their Dad can hardly wait to get them up in the morning to show them what Santa brought them. I felt that way this morning. Whenever I get to see their faces light up, its amazing! And then to hear them say "Thank you Mommy" it melts my heart. While they were playing with the new things they got from the Easter Bunny, I was able to sneak out the back door for a minute and hide the eggs in the yard. They were so excited when I opened the blinds and notice some colorful eggs outside. Noah practically yelled "THE EASTER BUNNY LEFT US SOME EGGS!" So we donned some shoes, and grabbed the baskets and headed outside for the hunt. They were dashing around the yard scooping up eggs. It seemed like it only took seconds, and I wished I had filled tons more eggs! Next year, I may try to get some more eggs, and more little ones to join in on the hunt. The more the merrier!

We came in, emptied the eggs into ziplock bags, and pretty much loaded up on sugar all day. I love those two more than anything, they make all I do worth it just to see them smile!

I may be bias, but they really are the best kids ever! I am so thankful to have gotten to spend the day with them!

I don't miss you yet

I have not posted in a while, tonight is going to be just a short note from my day today.

I usually get my children back on Sundays. However their dad needed me to get them Saturday. Noah had decided he wanted to stay at his Nanny and Papa's house so he could go to church on Sunday. Not a problem with me, I don't often get alone time with Lillian, plus she is sick so I knew I could count on some good snuggle time. Lilly and I ended up falling asleep on the couch together, which totally amazed me because she has never fallen asleep with me before. Noah was always my baby who wanted to be held, and snuggled. It wasn't until about 16 months old that he finally started going to sleep in his own bed. He still slips into my bed sometime in the middle of the night every now and then. Sometimes I do not notice, and other times I miss the days when I would snuggle him, so I let him stay. Usually Lillian just get cranky until I suggest that she head to bed, where she will quickly fall asleep. So to have her crash on the couch with me was awesome!

Today Lillian and I had a great day together, we played dolly's, colored, ate lunch, took a walk outside, she took a nap, I did laundry and cleaned the house. I sat down towards the end of Lillian's nap and looked at the time. It was 4:30. My day had flown by. I also realized that I had not heard from the kid's grandparents. So I gave them a call. Noah was doing good as usual, and I said I can come pick him up, that I was going to wake Lilly up in just a bit. Nanny had run out to the store, and Papa said he would have her call me back.

About 20 min later, Lilly was up eating a snack, and Nanny called me. Noah had asked to stay the night again. I miss my little man, but I know he loves his grandparents. Noah use to be the only, and then the baby came along. I know he enjoys getting his alone times with those he loves. I did ask to talk to him to tell him I love him, and miss him. This was our conversation;

Noah: "I just want to stay at Nanny and Papa's"

Mommy: "Hi baby! I love you! You going to be a good boy for your Nanny and Papa?"

Noah: "Yes."

Mommy: "I miss you baby"

Noah: "I not miss you yet"

Mommy: "Oh, well, when you do miss me, you going to come home?"

Noah: "I just playing mommy, I miss you."

Mommy: "Ok baby, you be a good boy, love you"

Noah: "OKmommyloveyoubyyyyeee!"

Kids. Gotta love them right? Right, you can't help it.

How your cWAtch?

I tell you some days I really just love my life. I really enjoy comedy, and it seems that a lot of funny stuff happens around/to me. Unfortunately I have a horrid memory, so unless it was super funny, or I write it down (like on here) I tend to forget it. On second thought, maybe my lack of memory is the reason my life is so good! Ha!

OK, so at work my assistant manager Evelyn keeps bugging me about my work pants. I don't think they look bad, she thinks they are a little tight/look like workout pants/too short/or some other thing I can't remember. I however find that they are my most comfortable work pants. Tired of hearing it every time I wear them, I grabbed my too large to wear work pants and brought them with me today to get taken in on my lunch. I think Evelyn did a black flip, in her high heals :)

I have never had anything tailored before, so this was a new experience for me. Don't get me wrong, I had a pretty good idea what was going to happen. After getting detailed directions from Evelyn, I made my way down to Jenny's Tailor in Cary. I pull up, grab my clothes and go in.

I pull open the door, and I hear this dull beep (I find out later on my way out that is is a wireless door alarm you can buy pretty much anywhere, and they taped it to the door with what appeared to be packing tape... classy). To my right there is the neon blue couch and an old Asian man zoned out on it. I hear the TV playing some sort or soap opera. He says to me "You need to try on?" and pointed to the dressing room. I said "HUH?" *haha... internal giggle here.* Then he calls to his partner in crime, Mrs. Jenny (I suppose). She comes out from behind piles, and piles of clothes hung up on racks with slips of paper attached to them. I ask her some simple questions, and then ask her as if I knew all along what I am suppose to do "You need me to try these on?" she points and says yes.

So I head in there, and pull the makeshift door closed. Change into one of the pants and sweaters, go out and show her how I want the shirt, she starts to walk away like that was all I needed, and I say "what about the pants?" and she says "what you want?" I ask her to take them in some at the waist, and then I notice that when I squat a little that the front pokes out. So she does the reach around... yea. And grabs hold of my crotch. She was in that area for what seemed like ten minutes, pinning and marking with chalk. Then the most hilarious thing ever. She looked at me stone cold and says "how's your cWAtch?"

There I am, staring at my crotch, fighting back a fit of laughter, and I just say "it's good". She points to the dressing room again, and like a lost puppy, I head back in. Change, and out again. I once again show her how I want this shirt, and then onto the pants. "How your cWATCh?" I must have had a look on my face, because she yelled it at me next, "HOW YOU CWATCH ON THIS PANT?" "Fine, its good." I even reached down and shielded it with my hand. She points, I go. Thank God that is over.

Moral of the story, New pants and shirts $60.00. Two shirts, two paints taken in $44.00. Having "How's your cWAtch?" yelled at you, priceless!

Eww Mommy! She Stinks!

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! *groan* Snooze. As I'm laying there, I am haunted by a question I'm sure many people have asked... Why a nine minute snooze? (later on I sort of found my answer here.) Before I had time to ponder about this, and before I really had time to "snooze", I see the back of a little boy creeping around my door. The same little boy who use to come scampering into my room, hop into my bed, is now tip toeing around very mischievously.

"Noah... What are you doing?"

"It's mornin' time Mommy." (incase I missed the memo...)

"Yes son, I know that, but why are you sneaking around?"

"I'm just checkin' it out mom."

And how can I argue with that? He has only slept here once before last night. I had just moved to this new place at the ending of our last week together.

I managed to unfurl my self from the cocoon of blankets. As usual he wants a pop tart, some juice and nick jr. Your wish is my command Little Master. Not long and Lilly is making noise from the bedroom. I wonder what it is like to wake up and be full of energy. She comes bouncing out of her room on tip toes "juuuice..." One cup of juice for the Little Lady coming up.

Kids settled on the couch, this is my time to hastily get ready for my day. I have the whole thing timed down to 40 minutes, this is to maximize on my sleep time while still looking fresh and rested, let the count down begin!

Half way through my speedy routine I hear "EWW LILLY, YOU STINK!" And here comes Noah trotting into my bathroom with his nose buried into the crack of his elbow.

"What's wrong son?"

"She pooted"

"I'm sure the smell is gone Noah, go sit back on the couch and eat your breakfast."

"uht uhh" (three year old for No.)

And then I watch as if I'm at a dog race, "And they're off, #1 running to the room. Following closely is #2, and she is gaining speed. Around the bend, here they come again, #2 on the tail of #1. I hear whining coming from #1, its a warning to #2 to back off. Around the coffee table, through the kitchen and back to the room..." After a few more laps around the house, and all the crying and whining I could stand so early in the morning, I decided to intervene. Pop tart crumbs scattered from the living room to their bedroom, this is unacceptable. I try to tell Noah that the smell (which I find it hard to believe could have been very offensive to him) is gone, I even fanned her butt to ensure there was nothing still lingering around. No good. This kept up until I was finished. Oh well, you win some, you loose some.

They are pretty good about getting their clothes on, and shoes and coats wrangled up. Ever since Lilly and figured out that she can do it her self all I hear about everything is "self... self" so I let her have at it! Lunch is already packed, I grabbed Noah' lunch box out of the fridge and put it in is back pack, and I set it on the table.

Finishing up a few details, and we are set to go. We piled out to the car, and zoomed off. Half way down the road I realized I forgot his dern back pack! After a perfectly executed three-point turn, a quick dash inside, we are back on track.

Once the kids are dropped off, I have a 30 minute-ish drive to work. Bob and The Showgram have a permanent residency on my morning drive. Once I'm to work, it's business as usual. The morning flies by, lunch was satisfying and the second half of my day was not that shabby either. Rushing home to my babies is a constant gamble... How fast is fast enough to satisfy my need for speed, and still not get pulled? (guh... yes, this is one of my bad habits. I'm working on it, one MPH at a time.)

Kids in the car, strapped in, its time to finally relax. On our short 10 minute drive home we have decided we are going to watch a movie after bath time. Children after my own heart they agree on Sleeping Beauty. The three of us snuggle up on the couch, watch our movie and as soon as it is finished its off to bed. They really are at times so well behaved, I just sit back in amazement. Kisses, hugs and then tucked in, its Mommy time!

Blog entry completed, its time for me to nestle back into my cocoon and dream about what's in store for tomorrow, G'night!

~Cholie

(side note: as I'm laying in bed writing this, I heard a ca-clunk-bang come from the other side of the house, AKA; the kids half. So I ventured down that hall, flipped on the light to find that my daughter Lilly was not where I had left her. She couldn't have gone far, since I can see straight into their room from mine... and then I see this pint sized foot poking out from under the bed. How she managed to get from on top, to under, and I mean ALL the way under the bed is beyond me. Kids, they're amazing!)