Quietly Rummaging

Tonight I find myself in a mood that I familiar with. A quiet one. Listening to my inner thoughts, and trying to figure out exactly what it is that I am searching for in this life. Someone recently asked me "Well what do you want?" and I said "I just want to be happy", Which was followed with "Well what makes you happy?" And there I sat.

Generally speaking I am a happy person... So what I have already composes happiness. Of course there are other things that would make me happier, like a new house and a new car. However, those are not things that I can concern my mind with right now, they are not with in reach. And simply, they are just objects.

I have been delving into soul exploration , trying to figure out who I am at this moment, and what could be added to make my heart and mind culminate, finally agreeing to be satisfied. I put a lot onto my own shoulders, trying to make sure that everything is just right. Blaming myself for ridiculous behavior from my children, hoping that I am disciplining the right way, work, am I working hard enough, am I being too concerned over small matters, is this or that really important, home duties, washing, folding, vacuuming, the never ending "CLEAN YOUR ROOM" battle, and finding time to show the people in my life I care about them... I find that I have had little time to really think "what exactly is it that will assemble fulfillment".

So as this year comes to its finale, hope buds. New opportunities will emerge, encouraging us to move forward, try one more time. For 2011 I have decided to do many things, but they all fall into the same category; Self Discovery and Invention. Because at the end of the day, isn't the one thing that can make any of us happy, only ourselves? Are we not taught that enlightenment and bliss come from with in?

The things we do for others and for ourselves, when we do something kind for some one else with out boasting about it, when we take credit for all things we have done good or bad, helping with out having been asked, listening with out worrying about what our next reply will be, to smile, to laugh, to hold and be held, are these not things that make us all feel superb? Certainly. To be able to get to the point where we can do these things, contentment and good character has be to present, and that my friends, fuels my goal for 2011.

Here is to a more self aware, ambitious, and courageous me :)

Happy Twenty-Eleven