When I was younger I thought being 20 was ancient. Now I look at the 20 year old's who are in my life, and I think how they are still just babies, being ushered out into the world. How they are in college, or starting jobs. How the full weight of responsibility is bearing down on their still too fragile shoulders.
Some times I feel that I am too young to have some of the responsibilities that I have. Often I think of what it would be like if I were still only responsible for myself. Most of the time I think that if I had waited a little longer to start a home life, that I would have went back to college one more time, or found out what I really wanted to be in life so that I could offer my children a better life.
However, I am truly thankful for the distraction they give me, the purpose in life they give me. They have made me who I am, responsible. They make me push myself when I feel that I have no where else to go, they teach me to open my eyes and see everything with great opportunity. They give me so much and do not ask for anything in return but my love. And how I love them, they are the air in my lungs, the beat in my heart, the spring in my step, and always the smile that is on my face.
Every time I feel weak, beaten down, defeated, or lost, I think of them and they give me a whole new direction and perspective on my life. The older they get, the better I want to be. My baby will be two on June 5th. TWO!!!! I remember the night she was born, I remember craving to hold her, longing to kiss her, snuggle her, and love her with all that I had. Every day she surprises me with a new word, a new phrase. Last night she surprised me (partly because I was half asleep on the couch) when she woke up in the middle of the night, and I hear "PEEE PEEE". I am very surprised that my sweet little girl woke up in the middle of the night to go pee {VICTORY!}. I may be bias, but my kids are genius.
This week with my kids has pushed me into another direction. I am going to go back to school. It becomes so tiresome worrying about having enough food for us to eat, gas to drive us around, electric to keep us cool or warm, plus all the little wants they have. I want my kids to be proud to be home. I want my son to say that my house is cool like his dad's (haha... yes, yes, it is JUST a home...) I want for them to have all they need, and want (with in reason of course!), I want to breath easy, I want to truly be able to relax and not worry anymore. What kind of example am I if I just sit back and let this opportunity to pass me by? How will I ever convince them to continue their education if I do not? So here is to my sweet little ones, who have once again opened my eyes, and shown me a path that I would have walked right by.
